


My little angel

by numbika



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Abuse, Reader is a Winchester (Supernatural), Self-Harm, Soulmateau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-01-23 20:48:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18557572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbika/pseuds/numbika
Summary: Some one-shot with Gadreel.





	1. Chapter 1

You stood quietly beside Dean and watched as Sam hurried away. At the end of the corridor, he stopped glancing back at you. He gave you two a small nod before stepping outside. You didn’t know if you were worried about your half-brother, nervous about the angel, or nervous because of the angel.

To make things worse, since Dean received the mark of Cain he became increasingly unpredictable. You had trouble admitting this even to yourself, but you felt more and more tense around him. It was impossible to know when he was going to lose, well, himself and attack you or Sam. And now Sam who could at least deal with him, had to leave, and you remained leaving you with only Dean and Gadreel in the building.

“Are you all right, (Y/N)?” Dean stared at you.

You nodded uncertainly. “I’m just worried about Cas.”

“You can go with Sam, if you want to.”

“I’d rather stay; Sam can take care of himself.”

“And I do not?” he looked at you with a smile, but there was something in his voice that made you nervous for a moment.

You responded after only hesitating for a heartbeat. “If someone, you can the most of anyone I know. But I wanted to stay because I had no opportunity to get my hands on the angel. ”

Dean paused and looked back at the silently sitting angel. You followed Dean’s haze, but your own stopped on the still damaged wings.

“If you’d like to, you can start.” He offered the angel blade to you, holding it towards you. Your stomach tightened into a fist. “Well?”

“Nah, thanks. It’s better if you are the one to start…I’ve never been good at torture.” You looked up at Dean and suddenly a memory came up in your mind. You remembered what you learned about them during that mess about the Apocalypse. “I didn’t mean it…like that…I’m sorry. I-”

“Oh, if you knew how far this is from torture.” Your half-brother looked at you and you took a step back “but… yeah, I get it.” he shrugged and spun the angel blade in hands, walking towards Gadreel. “Would you mind checking the seals then?” Dean once again looked at you with a smile. “Just to be sure.”

You nodded, and took your knife out of your front pocket, your legs moved on their own. Common sense dictated that you flee, the farther the better.

Your steps echoed in the building. The paint on the walls, was chipped and everything looked like it would fit perfectly into an apocalyptic film. The lights in the corridor glowed with only half-strength. You thought, that next time you will have to choose the next location, you will pick a lighter and friendlier place. Although come to think of it…every building has the potential to be scary, be it a toy factory or a hospital.

Dull pain came out of nowhere pushing against your temple, you had lean against the wall for a few moments. You blinked couple of time, but as fast as the pain came, it just as soon disappeared. You gathered yourself and forced yourself to start walking with bigger steps.

Aside from the phantom pain, your anxiety began to strangle you too.  You knew all to well that what you were experiencing wasn’t just your own feelings, but it didn’t make it any better.

This is not good, this is not good at all, thoughts were chasing each other in your head and Cas voice echoed in your mind again and again.

_‘You have to tell them before they seriously hurt Gadreel, and by extension, you.’_

Another rush of pain conjured little stars in front of your eyes, but you were able to continue on your way.

As you progressed, you checked the seals, though you knew well that they were all drawn accurate and intact. They were drawn by you and Sam and although you have never been the best in the fighting department, but your knowledge has saved your ass a lot of time.

You paused as your heart began to beat a painful, harsher beat. For a moment you weren’t fully aware where you were and what was happening to you, but you felt cold running through your arms. The anxiety was replaced by pure, dazzling fear.

The tightness in your chest was unbearable for a few seconds, but it seemed years to you. Slowly looked down at your hand and saw that you were gripping the blade. As soon as it cut into your skin, the pressure let go. You blinked a couple of times and looked towards the corridor.

You ran back, leaving a few seals unvisited. You did not dare to pray, afraid that an angel could hear, and you were absolutely sure that God didn’t give a crap about humanity. On the other hand, he probably gave extra attention to you and your half-brothers’ family, only in the worst possible way. But you couldn’t expect any help from him.

As you approached, you carefully listened to the sounds. You’ve seen Dean slowly circling around Gadreel, you haven’t heard the angel’s words, but you were sure whatever he said it just made things worse. It was clear for you that what you felt was not your own fear.

“Dean, I finished.”

However, your half-brother wasn’t paying attention to you, with the angel blade in his hand he stabbed towards Gadreel.

Your scream echoed across the building and both the angel and Dean jerked their heads towards you.

“… (Y/N)?” The older Winchester slowly straightened himself out.

“We-, we need him alive.” You said, trying not to sounds too desperate.

Dean darkly smiled at the angel.

“Alive… it’s true. And I’m not going to kill you. The whole crap that left your mouth, you just said that to get me to kill you. You want to die because you are afraid you will rot in here? Don’t you?”

Gadreel’s body tensed, but he didn’t answer just lowered his head.

“Well, if it’s up to me, you’ll be stuck here forever, you son of a bitch.”

Dean walked over to you and handed you the blade. “Keep an eye on him, but I don’t think he would dare trying anything.” Once again, something was hiding in his voice, something that made you think it was better not to stand in his way. He walked away, leaving the two of you alone.

You quietly put down the angel blade on the metal table, then grabbing a chair you sat down in front of the angel, but you didn’t look at him. You rubbed your face on the same spot where he was wounded and where your phantom pain appeared.

“So? It’s your turn now?” His voice shivered with uncertainty.

You looked up at him, but didn’t say anything.

“If you want me to pay for my actions, you better finish what your brother wanted.”

You shook your head. “Half-brother. Only our father is the same.” You glanced towards where Dean went, “they are good people, but sometimes it’s hard to deal with them, especially since I used to have a single, younger brother.”

Sadness spread through your body and as you looked at the angel, you saw that he felt it too. His wings hung behind him, the dirty white feathers scratching the ground.

“His name is Adam.” You placed your elbows on your knees “or…was…he was my brother, and unfortunately because he was born as a Winchester, it meant your daddy had plans for him. Or at least he played a role in the end of the world. I used to live in a happy family, like you did, but my mother died by the hand of a ghoul, just like my brother. He was resurrected and now he’s locked up with Lucifer after he became Michael’s vessel.”  Sighing, you rubbed your face.

“I would do whatever I could to free him myself, but somehow my soul is not worth that much for a demon or for Death…”

Silence descended between two of you.

Your last happy memory about your family was when Adam told you about his university plans during an evening dinner. You have eaten homemade burgers and planned to go out on a trip next summer, after you’d got your license and maybe a new car.

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks… you know…nobody wants to be a hunter. At least at first. And I’m particularly bad at it.” You got your bag behind from the chair and took out a portion of gauze, as you talked you started to unroll it.

The angel watched you silently, you felt his empathy and a hint of curiosity started to appear in both of you.

“My mother had told me many times how much I cried as a baby, how much of a fuss I made when I was little. Later as a kid I was sensitive to every little thing, I often started to cry for no apparent reason. There was no physical reason for them, no symptoms the doctors could recognize. It was probably all in my head, or something happened in my childhood, as they said.’ You wrapped a few pieces of gauze around your hand and pulled your chair closer to the angel being careful not to break the seal.

"I felt tiny dull pain at different points in my body. Sometimes I felt them for a day or two, sometimes only just for a few moments. Phantom pain, as my mother called it. I had nightmares where I wanted to escape, where I was locked up, and there was nowhere to run.”

You slowly reached out towards the angel’s hand and glanced up at him.

Gadreel nodded.

“The point is; I wasn’t a good hunter material in the beginning either. But, as you can see, I got into this whole thing, and everything was somewhat … turned upside down when you went into Sam and appeared in the bunker.” You gently bandaged the fresh cut on the angel’s arm. He let you, watching your face silently.

“At first I haven’t dared to turn to anyone, then I asked Cas why I see my brother with wounded angel wings-…”

You looked down at Gadreel’s hand, he cautiously grabbed yours.

“…what he told me wasn’t promising, at all.” You glanced up at Gadreel. There were too many emotions stirring inside the both of you. Uncertainty mixed with certainty, not understanding with understanding, and the dull hopelessness was mixing with shining hope. Fear was still there, and you didn’t know if it was yours or not.

“Especially when it turned out that you are not Ezekiel and you killed one of our friends, AND then you started to slay your brothers.”

“I did it because-”

“Because Metatron said so,” you interjected in a serious voice. Sighing, you shook your head, the voice of the angel sounded desperate, and you felt your heart getting tighter. “Metatron used Cas to kick all the angels out of heaven, and now he’s using you to build his own little army.”

“By tricking Castiel he gave me a chance to escape! Metatron only wants to fix the heavens, after what Castiel and our other brothers did to it.” His confidence in this was definitely fake.

Closing your eyes, you just nodded. You were tired, just as much as he was.

“Right, Gadreel, then answer me this. Do you feel that what you are doing now, is right? That the only thing you could have done was mass murder? Castiel told me about you, he told me what you have done, that you made a mistake and they punished you by locking you away for eternity. I saw what they did to your wings.”

Gadreel didn’t let go off your hand, just shook his head. He didn’t want to hear it, you were sure he wasn’t ready for this whole conversation, but he didn’t want to move away from you as you didn’t want to let him go.

“But neither me, Sam or Dean cared about what happened, or what you did. We all made mistakes, hell Sam and Dean were fated to start the apocalypse.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Now, both of them want me dead and so do the angels.”

Silently, you glanced towards where Dean disappeared, again, you didn’t hear his steps and you really hoped your brother wasn’t nearby.

“No, it’s not too late, Gadreel.” You turned back towards the angel. “Help us stop Metatron.”

“Do you want me to give up my loyalty?”

“Castiel knew for at least two weeks what we are, but he has never used this knowledge against you. Metatron let you to get caught and made you to do his dirty work. If you want to be so loyal to someone, then be loyal to yourself first Gadreel. ”

The angel gently squeezed your hand and leaned closer to you from the chair.

“I-I’m a soldier.”

“Cut the crap, angel. They may have said this to you, you may have lived this way, but you are exactly the same as people.” Gadreel made a soft noise, which indicated that he didn’t really believe you.

“You were all confused when Daddy ran away, and your only home was taken away. So most of the angels lost their ways, like a human who never bothered with anything aside from its own problem, and own little space.”

“So, you want me betray my brother? Is that what you ask of me?”

“Gadreel” your hand moved on its own and you caressed his cheek. Both of you stopped and blushing you pulled away your hand. “Sorry, um…I didn’t-”

“It… It’s okay… actually” he lightly blushed.

“What I wanted to say,” You gave out an exhausted breath of air. “That you shouldn’t pick a side, because in actuality, there are no sides, not for real anyway. Your stupid brothers can’t figure this out because they grew up the way they did, but in fact, you could be living peacefully in heaven, discussing your problems like adults. However, Metatron wants to tell who is allowed to go home and who is not, and used you, your guilt, and your desire to make thing right for his own ends.”

“How can you say there are no sides? Some people on the side of Castiel want to fight and there are some on the side of Metatron! Peace can only come when someone is victorious and finally and becomes the leader of the angels. Metatron…”

“You are all brothers and sisters! At least you are supposed to be! And there is only so many of you, so right now I don’t give two flying fucks about whose fault is, but it’s probably your Dad’s. But let make this clear, Metatron doesn’t care about you, or your family! He wants to play god, even though God was already a dickhead who didn’t give crap about his family! Do you really think this is normal? Do you think a family should work like this? Or that doing these things will somehow redeem you?”

Gadreel opened his mouth but couldn’t say anything. You tried to swallow your anger, it was yours, not his, he deserves happiness not the burdens of your soul.

There was something else that didn’t let you rest. Something you buried in yourself since you realized that an angel was your soulmate. You sighed and lowered your shoulders.

“I-” you licked your dry lips “listen, despite everything I don’t… I don’t want to die.” You almost whispered this to yourself.  "And both of us know that if you die, I will too…I’d like to get to know you, know things about you.“ You smiled at the angel, and you were sure that his eyes started to shimmer with light, just for a second.

"I…”

Steps came from the direction of the corridor. You pulled your hands away and glanced towards the source of the sound. It didn’t take much time for Dean to walk through the doorway and raise an eyebrow at the two of you.

“So, did he say anything, (Y/N)?”

“Well,” You slowly turned towards Gadreel, pushing your chair backwards.

“(Y/N) pointed out some things about the way Metatron acts.”

“Really? And you still consider yourself a bad hunter.” Your half-brother took the angel blade in his hand.

“Dean, I don’t think we need that anymore.”

“I also thought that, but he killed Kevin so the blade stays with me.” The older Winchester stepped closer to you. “So, are you willing to sing then, feathery?”

“You speak like Crowley.”

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“Just that…” you paused, not knowing what to say.

Gadreel took the word. “What do you want to do with angels and Metatron?”

“Well, we’ll kill Metatron, just to be safe, so that next time he surly wouldn’t even have the chance to think about having fun with us, heaven, or Earth. On the other hand, we want to put the angels back in their place. The heavens are closed so the souls are stuck here.”

“And?” the angel looked down towards the angel blade.

“That’s all, if the angels leave us alone, we leave them alone.” You nodded seriously. “Actually, they started stirring the shit in the first place.”

“As you say.” Dean nodded.

“And what about me?” Gadreel said speaking to you.

“You…”

“You’re likely to be a dead, especially if you stand on the wrong side for too long.”

You rubbed your face and snorted slightly. The nervous feeling that appeared inside you, moments later also manifested in Gadreel. You could see from the corner of your eye as he began to fidget on the chair. In the past, the feelings that were transmitted were very dull. So, Cas was right. The closer you were to each other, the stronger the bond became.

“Gadreel, just tell us what Metatron wants to do next and where he wants to do it so we can stop him.” You looked at him, expression almost pleading. At first, he didn’t answer. Instead, he turned his gaze towards the angelic blade.

“All right…I think at the very least…I should consider it.”

Dean’s phone started to vibrate behind you.

You and the angel sighed at the same time as the Winchtester began pacing around and talking. However, this respite proved to be brief.

“What do you mean, Metatron has Cas?!”

Standing up from the chair, you watched your brother as he paced now more nervously up and down.

“So, he wants a hostage change…son of a bitch! Okay, I understand…okay, come back Sammy. We will figure something out.” He put down the phone and started walked towards the angel.

“Dean.” You stood between him and the angel.

“He wants you in return for Cas.” Dean didn’t look at you, he hardly paid any attention to you.

You raised your hand. “We will give him Gadreel, but he doesn’t have to suffer more injuries.”

“He doesn’t have to, but he might still know something so it would be better to get that out of him, while we still have a chance.”

He stopped when you placed your hand on his shoulder. You looked him in the eyes for a few moments, you was ready to protect yourself and Gadreel.

“If he knows something, he will tell us. Now let’s just leave him, please.”

Dean grimaced, and slowly lowered the blade in his hand. “But if Cas get hurt…”

“Then we will make Metatrton to pay since he’s the one who hurt Castiel, and he was the one who poured this whole shit into our neck. Not Gadreel.”

Dean glanced at him before he looked over you once again. “It looks like as if you could forgive the fact that he killed Kevin, and done horrible things to Sam with surprising ease.”

You clenched your hand but didn’t say a word.

“Hm…but I probably just imagining things.” He shrugged and looked at Gadreel. “I haven’t finished with you yet, I hope you really think about who you are going to stand with.”

He turned around picked up his cellphone and left the two of you alone.

You sat down on the chair, legs trembling. “Mark of Cain, that’s why he’s acting like that” you said it mostly to yourself. “After Sam almost died in the trials, Dean couldn’t forgive himself. I think he jumped at any chance that could kill Abaddon. But, if you ask me, it might come with some serious price.”

“Thank you, (Y/N).”

“What are you talking about?”

“You wanted to protect me and you stopped him.”

You nodded, murmuring a bit. “I defended myself too.”

“And me. I felt and I still feel it, you can’t deceive me.”

“Well, do you know how this whole soulmate thing works?” You smiled faintly at the angel, and both him and you felt a warm feeling spreading trough your bodies. You glanced over his shoulder. “Your wings…can I help you somehow?”

“Not yet, but thank you.”

You reached out and caressed his cheek. You felt like you two had always meant to be like this. Beside each other. The angel moved closer to your hand, closing his eyes.

“I don’t know what will happen after this, but please be careful Gadreel.”

“I will and I will make sure you are safe too.” His voice for the first time, was really determined.

Leaning down, you kissed his forehead and stayed beside him until Sam returned. You wanted to learn a lot about the angel and the feeling was mutual.


	2. Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You took his hand into yours, and watched as the angel breathed out slowly. “Thank you for healing me, angel.”  
> “It’s really nothing.” He went on cautiously, as if he was afraid that he might hurt you again just by talking. “Those wounds…” he didn’t dare to look down at your arm. “Can I ask who did it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kevin is still alive tho.

The switch of the new blue kettle clicked and the boiling of the water quieted down in the plastic container. You yawned softly and stood up with your empty mug and poured the hot water on the tea filter inside it. It was an old habit of you to have a tea at dawn when everyone was asleep and no one could bother you. You felt the strawberry fragrance rise from the cup in but a second.

You completely forgot that you are not the only one in the bunker who might be awake.

“(Y/N)?”

The sleepiness ran from your eyes in a moment, and you spun towards the sound immediately.

“Gad- ah the fuck!” You pulled your hand away when the mug toppled and the scalding hot water surged out, right on your hand. You quickly put it under the tap, cursing every god you could think of. “Son of a fuckin….”

The angel rushed beside you in a hurry. His voice was filled with worry. “Sorry, (Y/N), I should have said something…somehow different.”

You clenched your teeth sucking the air between your teeth. “Knock, the knocking is a good thing, even if the door is open. It’s a good thing to knock, Gadreel.”  

“I’m so sorry.” He took a hesitant step to the side. “Can I?” He reached out for your hand.

“Huh?” you glanced toward the tap. It was on the coldest possible setting. “Well…okay.” You stopped the water and let him to touch your hand. The pain dissipated from one second to the other.

You smiled softly and closed and opened your fingers again. “Thank you. You know, regardless of everything else, it’s still good think that you can heal.” You smiled at the angel, then you realized he was still looking at your hand, you glanced back and now both of you were staring at your hand. Well, not exactly at your hand.

You were wearing short sleeved pyjama so the scars you made on yourself a year ago became visible on your arm. Gadreel slowly ran his fingers down on your wrist.

You hoped he wouldn’t notice how pleasantly you shivered from his touch.

“Should I…these?” There was sadness and sympathy mixing in his tone.

“No,” shaking your head you gently grabbed his hand. The angel froze for a second, his body becoming tense. You had to look up in to his eyes for made himself sure he is not in danger. “Gadreel?”

“I’m-…I’m sorry.” He wanted to pull away, but you stopped him. “…(Y/N)?”

You took his hand into yours, and watched as the angel breathed out slowly. “Thank you for healing me, angel.”

“It’s really nothing.” He went on cautiously, as if he was afraid that he might hurt you again just by talking. “Those wounds…” he didn’t dare to look down at your arm. “Can I ask who did it?”

“I did it, but it was caused by my father.” You nodded in a serious unhesitant way before elaborating without him needing to ask for it. “I grew up with a father who lost himself over the years. An asshole who hurt me and my brothers.”

It was all true but it took years until you admitted it to yourself.

“I think I know what you’re talking about.” The angel turned his head to the side and sighed. His hand trembled in yours, but he didn’t pull it away. You were the only person who he allowed to get this close to him.

Castiel didn’t say much when you asked what happened to his brother in Heaven, you guessed that stopped him from talking.

“I’m sorry, Gadreel.”

“I…thank you. But I made a mistake-”

“Don’t tell me you deserved it,” you stepped closer to him, looking at him searching his gaze. When he finally looked into your eyes, you smiled at him faintly.

“I don’t know what they did to you up there,” you stepped even closer to close the distance between the two of you. “But I’m sure you didn’t deserve it. You are a kind angel who helped us and who earned our trust. You will earn Kevin’s too, even though you gave him quite a scare.”

The angel’s chin tensed and he had to swallow back what he first wanted to say.

“I have already apologized.” His voice sounded somber and exhausted “I just wanted to do the right thing, I just wanted help my brothers…”

“And he will forgive you.” You released his hands and rubbed your tired eyes. You couldn’t see the angel’s hesitant move to touch your hand again and he stopped halfway, instead put his hand into his pocket.

“I know you wanted to do good, but we all experienced that nowadays being honest is the best thing you could do, compared to  _‘doing good things’_ without asking anybody about them. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Castiel trusts you.”

You smiled at him with still tired and crusty eyes. “And I started to like you.” You kissed his cheek and taking the mug with you, you went in your room. “Good night, angel.”

Gadreel blushed and just stared after you for a few minutes, “Good night, (Y/N).” He said before disappearing to find and ask Castiel, because he was sure that his heart shouldn’t beat that fast.


	3. Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tried to push yourself slowly into a sitting position when two arms hugged your chest and pulled you back carefully.  
> “Don’t go,” Gadreel whispered to your shoulder, then kissed your skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the fluff, lads.

You blinked a couple of time in the darkness of the room. You squinted, looking around and even the slightest movement sent numbness trough your every limb. You raised your head, and looked at the desk next to your bed, where the digital clock glowed in a pale yellow light.

It was half past three in the morning.

You rubbed your face and yawned softly. This made you realize how dry your throat was. This was what probably woke you from your dreams. You tried to push yourself slowly into a sitting position when two arms hugged your chest and pulled you back carefully.

“Don’t go,” Gadreel whispered to your shoulder, then kissed your skin.

Turning towards him you smiled happily.

“I’m just thirsty, my angel.” You caressed his face, in the darkness you could clearly see the glow of his eyes. He blinked slowly, then the dull light became even fainter. You sighed happily as the angel suddenly leaned closer for a kiss. You shuddered when his lips touched yours again and again. You soon had to realize that Gadreel had become a master in kissing in a very short time. Before you could completely lose yourself in the angel’s lips, he pulled away slowly, caressing your hand.  

“What would you like to drink, (Y/N)?”

When he said your name, you felt a certain warmth run through you. When you two were alone, he always found a way to say your name as many times as possible.

“Just a glass of water, I’ll be back in a moment.”

The angel kissed you again and pushed you gently back to the bed.

For a second he disappeared and next moment he was lying next to you while a jug appeared on the table, small circular waves resonating in it, revealing that it was in motion a split second ago.  

“There you are.”

You turned on the lamp on and giggled softly, shaking your head. “Thank you Gadreel, but this is a little bit of an overkill, I would have been gone for at worst a couple of seconds.”

“Maybe,” the angel smiled at you and released his wide wings from his back. “But I’m faster, and you didn’t have to get out of the warm blanket.”

“That’s a clear profit for everyone in my book.” you smiled and slowly raised the jug and drank from it. Suddenly, a mischievous thought appeared in your head. You smiled playfully and kicked the blanket off from the bed.

“But now I lost my blanket.” You looked towards his shoulders meaningfully.

The angel laughed and embraced you with his wings. The feeling was indescribable, the smooth feathers and still growing fluffs caressed your skin everywhere. It gave you that warmth feeling that nothing could hurt you, while the angel was next you.

“Now go back to sleep, and I will keep you safe.” He placed a warm kiss your forehead.

“Thank you Gadreel” you smiled and returned the kiss, placing it on his shoulder. “I love you.”

You quickly fall asleep with a wide-smile and a blushing angel in your bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the reading! ^^


End file.
